||[08 Oct 2006|02:10pm]
in the center of my mind (my heart)
wherein i see, smell, taste, hear, feel (you)
thoughts come rushing through (and through)
jumbled and chaotic
(where are you?)
a riotous clash (altogether, noise, now.)
thoughts (of your eyes seeing)
smells (of your body breathing)
songs (of your smile singing)
poems (of your hands touching me)
a heart beat
and in this mass of distractions
(for it is of you i wish to dream)
these careful (dangerous) worlds slip in...
'he will never love you this way'
the silence thereafter (lasts only a short while)
while the rubble of this love (is cleared away)
it lets the stillness tell me
someday (maybe today)
this unrequited love (or that)
will tear me
||[23 Jan 2006|08:17pm]
ever feel like you miss every opportunity in the world?
or that everyone gets WAY better opportunities than you do?
or that people arent on your side?
or that you will never ever know what you want to do with your life?
or that IF you finally figure out what you want to do, you know you wont be able to do it?
this week sucks.
and its only monday.
my life, my dreams, and my reality are kind of depressing me right now.
not you nate, don't worry.
just everything else.
can it be MY time now?
|this is ALL audrey's fault.
||[13 Oct 2005|11:18pm]
audrey is my manager at arizona pizza.
she makes me watch laguna.
i can't get enough.
Take the quiz: "Which Laguna Beach Character are You?"
You're Hot and like to party!!! Ms. Popular! Why have one boy when there are plenty to go around!? Plus you don't want anyone to tie you down when you're just trying to have fun.
||[22 Sep 2005|10:26pm]
uhh by the way...
michelle, imani, louie and katherine
cause i dont have any more friends that update their journals.
||[22 Sep 2005|10:15pm]
1. i don't like being tagged. it reminds me of being touched. in bad places.
2. i miss my kittens because they live in amherst.
3. i am moving to chicago in june. for REAL.
4. once in chicago, i will become a rockstar.
5. i love the smell of old spice high endurance orignal scent.
6. i've made out with more people that i will ever be able to remember.
7. about an 1/8th of them are girls.
8. i am currently sleeping in my basement on a mattress on the floor.
9. my room is being redone, it should be finished by the time i move away.
10. i am now halfway through this thing. (but you probably know that)
11. i want to lose 30 lbs. but i'm too lazy to excercise.
12. i hate waking up.
13. i have the most massive crush ever on nate crawford.
14. sometimes he likes me too.
15. i've read all 6 harry potter books AT LEAST 3 times each.
16. i have a completely unnatural obsession with neil diamond.
17. my next tattoo will be an e.e. cummings quote on my feets.
18. i'm REALLY hungry right now. (30 lbs. god dammit)
19. i ABHOR ranch dressing.
20. if popeye were real, we would TOTALLY bond over our mutual love for spinach.
||[19 Jul 2005|05:32pm]
i ruin things.
thats what i do.
i miss him.
which is not unusual.
it is devastating.
and im tired of amherst.
and tired of not having friends in amherst.
and i want to move home now.
this house makes me cry.
the cats make me cry.
i make myself cry.
and i can't freaking sleep at night.
and i don't get enough hours at work.
and i can't afford to be alive.
and my heart can't afford to live here anymore.
||[05 Jul 2005|10:28am]
TEN random things about me:
1. i have very strange theories about infinite alternate universes.
2. i'm moving back home to pittsfield at the end of august.
3. i want to be a rock star.
4. i have a huge crush on phil collins.
5. i think neil diamond is phenomenal.
6. i miss my old car pinky...who was named after a filthy sexual occurence.
7. i think that the show "good eats" is entertaining as well as educational.
8. i love beer.
9. i have accrued more things than you could imagine because i find creative possibilities in the crap that most people would throw away.
10. i am HIDEOUS when i cry.
NINE ways to win my heart:
1. kiss me on the cheek
2. laugh with me
3. take me to your favorite place
4. scratch my back
5. laugh at me
6. encourage my creativity
7. read me a book (do the voices)
8. do something crazy
EIGHT of my favorite movies:
1. Princess Bride
3. dark crystal
4. death to smoochy
5. triplets of belleville
6. big fish
7. the house of yes
8. harold and kumar go to whitecastle
SEVEN things that annoy me:
1. political arguments at chill parties
2. not having enough money to live
3. moving back home
4. my car
5. doing the dishes
6. feeling guilty about not doing the dishes
7. not liking myself
SIX things I want to do before I die:
1. fall in ridiculous, cant live without each other,
i think i'll go crazy if i dont spend the rest of my life with you, love.
2. sell my own art
3. be famous
4. have kids
5. give a ton of money to my high school to create a useable theater space
6. sing in front of 50,000 people
FIVE things I am afraid of:
1. drifiting from friends and people i love
2. never being able to accomplish my dreams
3. car accidents
4. realizing that i do, in fact, suck at life
5. hurting people
FOUR of my favourite items in my room:
1. my pillow
2. my complete works of e.e. cummings
3. my paintings
4. my plants
THREE things I do everyday:
1. brush my teeth
3. something creative
TWO things I want to do right now:
1. take an advil
2. eat some breakfast
ONE person I want to see right now:
1. a chiropractor
||[30 Jun 2005|12:36am]
Now HERE’s a tasty meme. Answer the following questions with song titles by a single band. I picked the ani difranco. Try it out!
Are you male or female: I'm no heroine
How do some people feel about you: shameless
How do you feel about yourself: anyday
How do you feel right now: as is
Describe your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend/crush: carry you around
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/crush: both hands
Describe your family: glass house
Describe yourself: dont nobody know
Describe where you want to be: garden of simple
Describe your past: back back back
Describe your future: every state line
Describe how you live: hell yeah
Describe how you love: falling is like this
Share a few words of wisdom: garden of simple
||[27 Jun 2005|11:20pm]
that was a dick move on your part.
im a little upset.
some people. gosh.
||[19 Jun 2005|08:09pm]
Name 20 people randomly:
Who is 8 going out with? katie lynch.
is 9 a boy or a girl? Girl.
Would 11 and 2 make a cute couple? haha. no i dont think so
How about 18 and 4? maybe!?
What grade is 17 in? ha...like its not my mom.
When was the last time you talked to 12? online. right now.
Does 1 have any siblings? yep. one brother...jeffy.
Would you ever date 3? HAHA. oh no i dont think so.
Would you ever date 7? obviously. she's my hetero life partner
What's 15's last name? um i dont know, but his real name is mike.
What's 10's middle name? no clue...something irish?
What's 5's favorite thing to do? watch the golden girls.
Would 14 and 19 make a good couple? certainly not.
Would you date 1? i pretty much have.
Have you ever had a crush on 15? certainly not.
What's 4's favorite color? i dont think i've ever asked!b pink or green?
Are 5 & 6 best friends? no, but one is a pittsfield, and one is an honorary.
Does 7 like 20? she LOVES her.
Does 8 like 19? probably.
How did you meet 2? misssssion improvable.
Would you make out FEROCIOUSLY with 13? i gave him ferocious hickeys the other night.
How about 16? we snuggle!
||[19 Jun 2005|01:40am]
i am the biggest asshole in the world.
just in case anyone was wondering.
i love kate mettam forever.
that is all.
|and here's to the end of an era.
||[07 Jun 2005|05:59pm]
and i'm not sure what else to say except.
if you see me, hug me, i may cry a little, but i need it.
come and visit me.
and to the hearts i've broken in the past few days.
you have my permission to hate me as much as i hate myself.
(but i wish you wouldnt)
and know that i still love you.
and i'm sorry.
this is a ridiculous post, and i may or may not erase it.
my heart hurts.
|i got nervous
||[28 May 2005|12:17pm]
that i would be freaking bored all week and lonely and alone since nate's home and rach and scott moved out.
little did i know it'd be amusing and debaucherous and beautiful and shannon is the worst influence ever and i would be drinking and singing and running around a fucking phenomenally beautiful place with dolph and taking pictures and making new friends and being mental at work and spending a million dollars and throwing a party and watching price is right with charlotte and jd in our pjs and getting high with adrian and watching harold and kumar go to white castle for the millionth time and still being fully amused by it and playing a LOT of internet backgammon and falling in love with the world every day.
i laughed a lot this week.
my face hurts a little bit.
its great to have fuckign awesome friends.
it's also great to have beer to drink.
where would we be without it?
and where would i be without you?
and this my friends has been my first real entry in a good deal of time.
and im pretty pumped.
||[29 Apr 2005|09:42am]